Regarding my year project – its been almost 12 days now into it. I’ve managed to draw a picture everyday – just haven’t colored them and uploaded them for all to see. Coming soon I promise. I’ve shot a photo of myself each day, and taken a picture with the phone each day but where I have been lacking is the writing portion. I’ve decided to do updates here as often as I can, but not necessarily each day hence the switching of titles to Notes instead of days.
What I’ve come to realize is that life is busy stuff and while I’m committed to my project I have to make time for other commitments. Brenda was right – trying to do a daily blog is hard stuff. It requires a very significant commitment. Well never fear I’m going to do my best to notate as often as possible especially when something cool happens – like last night!
So on a whim Jacques, Andrew instead of going to see Jaws in the park went to North beach grill for dinner. We all figured a trip out to the ocean air would do us all good and North beach grill just rocks. Well to our utter surprise North Beach Grill had a live band – Liquid Ginger Needless to say their performance really hit a cord with me – if you’ll excuse the pun. The singer, Ginger, has a voice that has such soul. She clearly loves to sing – and lets not get me started on the amazing collaboration between the two guitarists. It was a real treat for me and seriously helped me to relax and “look at the tree” as Jacques is constantly telling me. So last night I really looked at the tree. I relaxed and just enjoyed the music, the air, the feelings of being my own man. It was refreshing from the harshness that was my life just a few months ago. I am grateful for that moment and for the moments like it to come. I was truly alive last night – for the first time in a long time I was just Jason.
Well to continue on with my discussion regarding dying or being afraid of the process of dying. As Lori mentions in her comment from yesterdays post – I should focus on the process of living not dying.
For me it is a constant, moment to moment struggle with keeping focused on the positive. I’m sure we all wrestle with good days and bad days. I do make a constant effort to keep focused on the positive. When I wake each morning I focus on being just truly thankful for all I have been given.
What it comes down to is my reactions to exterior things happening to me or my body. How I perceive those things and then how I react to them. I often wonder where this tendency comes from in me to be so safe, so afraid of risk. I love watching adventure shows, eco-challenges, etc. I am fascinated with wilderness survival, and love doing those kinds of things, yet I worry for my safety. I am very cautious. With that being said I am constantly trying to challenge myself to try new things and putting myself in situations that make me nervous or uncomfortable in order to force myself to learn how to deal with them. This of course can generate a lovely amount stress.
All of this really comes down to the fear of change. That is after all what death and dying is – a process of change, a fear of the unknown, a fear of not having completed everything. This idea of not having finished everything I think ties into my true love of life. My desire to do so much, create so much, and then not having the time to do it all. So it is funny and slightly ironic when I allow myself to keep myself from truly living by being a hypochondriac or making emotional choices that do not benefit me but others. I swear if I could live forever, I’d probably do it.
Well we reach another monday. Really felt icky today – dizzy, and kinda tired. I am struggling with how personal I make this blog, do I keep it superficial or do I step it into what is happening with me. How truman show do I make it? Well I guess I’ll take it each day at a time for now – todays topic Jason as a hypochondriac . For a large part of my life I have struggled with a fear of sickness, which really translates to a fear of death. Ironically I’m not afraid of death itself, but dying the process that leads to death. Hence this obsession with every pain, hiccup, ache and non-obvious bodily issue. What do I do daily to combat it? Every time something happens that sparks the hypochondriac in me I do my best to catch it and tell myself I’m not gonna die. I focus on clearing my mind using the single candle flame technique. Most of the time it works, when it doesn’t I ride it out or I try and distract myself with a book or something similar. As to why I have this issue… more on that tomorrow…. j
Well talk about a busy couple of days… Friday I spent most of the day traveling. Saturday we took a the CAS club to the Jacksonville zoo. What a killer zoo. Made the classic mistake of not bringing my camera and just my sketch book. Well I got some good drawings but missed a few good photos I’m sure.
Overall very boring weekend…. Sunday was well sunday, I spent the day catching up on emails and such and finishing my inking. Well I think I need to start having a topic to talk about each day… or at least each post… cuz this could get real boring after awhile… hehe.
Well I just got back from a film screening of Delgo here at the Redstick Animation festival… so I’m wired. It was very well received – thank the makers – it was really very interesting and sort of tense sitting there in the middle of the audience watching the film. Praying that the pacing wasn’t too slow or too fast, that they’d laugh at the right moments, that the story made sense and that the dialogue wasn’t cheezy. It was the longest 110 minutes of my life, and ones that I will NEVER forget. When the kids asked questions – one of them asked if the two races were spawned from a single race, which we never said-but did in fact intend. They responded well to the design, they wanted to know when the sequel was coming out and what is was going to be about. That made me smile. It is nice to know that something you spent sooooo much blood, sweat, and tears over with a great group of people is appreciated and loved. That all that hard work was not in vain.
I found myself watching the movie again and sort of saying I can’t believe I worked on this… I guess I’m feeling proud. Thanks need to go out to my crew – they rocked and made it what it is, my cast – whose acting really gave my animators fuel to work with, to Marc for keeping the dream alive and believing all along that we could in fact do it, and lastly to my family and friends who put up with my insanity while working on it. Thanks all.
Well I’m here in Baton Rogue, along the great river. Thank the internet gods that I have a connection for free!!! Don’t have a scanner here so probably no daily drawings… but there is plenty to talk about and shoot. Getting up at 4:30 in the morning to catch a flight definitely was not the best way to start ones day, but hey it got me here early so I could enjoy the opening day! I saw a couple of cool flicks, but the absolute highlight of my day so far (its only 5:42 pm here) was a touring show about Jim Henson. They had original muppets, story boards, films, concept drawings, etc. It was absolutely invigorating. It really rekindled the child in me to see things up close that had such a profound effect upon me artistically.
They had Kermit right at the beginning sitting there to welcome you – Jim’s alter-ego, his soul sitting there beckoning you inward. They had Roulf, Bert and Ernie and a ton of his sketches, most of which were on lined yellow pad paper. His drawings are very raw, loose and basic, he was definitely not rembrant but when you really study them you see that they don’t need to be. He was a master of simplification, an almost child-like innocence permeates his drawings and paintings. But the genius that was Jim Henson was not on paper, or even in a muppet but as a performer, a storyteller.
His legacy continues to brighten minds and hearts, even today as I walked through the exhibit a tour of elementary school children were milling around, singing rubber ducky and the muppet show theme song. One of their teachers came up to me and said “Its just amazing isn’t it?” to which I replied “yes it sure is. He was a major influence on me growing up.” Then she said this and it hit me at the core… “We do all we can and we can only hope that it reaches just one of them. If it reaches just one I know we’ve succeeded.”
Here I am standing amongst the work of one of my greatest role models and influences a day away from viewing a film I helped make and this wise old teacher without knowing it reminds me exactly why I worked on the Delgo in the first place. It was humbling.
So today was hectic as all hell. I was definitely errand boy all day – going from one place to another, dealing with taxes, and trying to get ready to go to the Red Stick film festival where Delgo will be screening on Thursday night!
I’m really looking forward to seeing it after so much time has passes since I saw it last. Its like seeing an old lover after so many years – I wonder if she has aged poorly or not?I’m a bit nervous all in all – first time that I will be in the crowd when an audience watches it. Well it is what it is and no matter what I’m damn proud of it and all the hard work that everyone put in on it. I could not have asked for a better cast or crew. That team was inner stellar and I miss them. Production is such a seductive mistress. The bonds you form working on things like this are akin to the bonds of some form of lesser combat. You’re in the trenches day and day out. Slugging away, working till the wee hours fixing tweaking, and fixing again. Always trying to make it the best you can, while trying your damn hardest to meet your deadlines.
Well I’m dead on my feet and I need to get some rest. The blog may be lacking in updates over the next 3 or so days as I travel, but rest assured that I will update it with posts from each day when I return.
Well today was another monday. What can I say that that sentence doesn’t say already. As I sit here I pondering the day that just past and I realize that wow what really did happen today? I got up. showered, shaved and got dressed for work. I had coffee. I went into work. I taught. I came home, talked to my Aunt Lori – hi lori – got a birthday package from my sister – hi stone – ate dinner, did my daily drawing and now I’m here typing.
Was there some major revelation? Nope… but you know thats ok. In itself just being is a good thing. Enjoying your day, the people in it and the events that unfold is a wonderful thing. Not every day needs to be a trophy day. Not every waking moment must be mind altering. So I guess that what I got out of today was exactly that… today.